


If only

by orphan_account



Category: Be More Chill
Genre: Abusive Parents, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Self Harm, gay af
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-02 18:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10949919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jeremy and Michael have been best friends for 12 years and the squip threatens to rip them apart but when Michael and Jeremy defeat the Squip it takes Jeremy with him





	1. Long gone

**Author's Note:**

> It may or may not suck Inspired by an AU made by Alexienty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It made my heart hurt to write this....

"You're here for Jeremy, Right kid?" Michael looked up at the old nurse. "Is he awake?!" Michael said standing up from the uncomfortable hospital bench."Yes, but be warned..." The nurse was cut off by Michael rushing into Jeremy's hospital room."Jeremy!" Michael ran up and held Michael close.

Jeremy was shocked as an all too familiar  
boy clung to him. "Get off me man!" Jeremy said as he pushed Michael off of him. "What... Jeremy it's me Michael your best friend." Michael said his brow frayed. Just then the nurse entered. "Jeremy this is Michael he I... was your best friend he brought you here." The nurse rubbed the back of her neck.

"What do you mean was?!" Michael said slightly too loudly. "I can't remember anything or anyone is what she means." Jeremy said with a snarky tone in his voice. Michael looked at him with such hurt in his eyes."What do you want a cookie." Jeremy said coldly. Michael walked out of the room stunned. The black haired nurse followed. "I take it he isn't normally like that." She said quietly. 

"He is literally the most awkward and timid person I've ever meet." Michael said as he faked a chuckle. "It's the weirdest case of amnesia I've ever seen, He remembers how to speak He's even at a average level of intelligence for your age but he can't remember anything about his life. Like someone went and deleted all his memories of himself." The nurse sighed.

Michael then knew what had happened to Jeremy. His Squip had done this to torture everyone around Jeremy. To make Jeremy just like his squip no strings attached. Michael knew in that moment, that there must be some way to get Jeremy back.

Michael came back the next day determined to bring some of the memories back. He had in his hands a box full of momentos from Jeremy and his 12 years of friendship."Oh.... You again." Jeremy sighed putting down his book as Michael entered. "Yes it's me, and I came to show you somethings from when.... we we were friends." It pained Michael to say those words. He sat on Jeremy's hospital bed and opened up the box.

"This is the magic card you gave me for my twelfth birthday... when everyone else forgot." Jeremy rolled his eyes as Michael told the story behind each object. Michael sensed Jeremy's disinterest. A heavy silence fell. Michael looked at this boy who looked and sounded like his best friend but wasn't him. "Do you want to remember what your, old life was like?" Michael whispered sadly, he was terrified of the answer. "Why would I? It sounds like we were total losers." Jeremy said as he picked up his book from the bedside table.

Michael grabbed the box and swiftly left the hospital. He placed the box in the back seat of his car and slowly tears began to fall down his cheeks. The tears began to quicken their pace and before Michael knew it he was full on sobbing.

Loser, the word rang in Michael's head. He had always tried to wear the word as a bage of pride. Michael and Jeremy had been losers but Jeremy was his loser. Michael cried until he couldn't cry any longer.

Michael rubbed his face clean on his sweater selve. He then turned his keys into drive and began the drive to 7/11. He parked his car in the convenience store parking lot. He entered the store with his head down. "A big gulp cup please." He mumbled and slipped a ten dollar bill in the cashier's hand. He walked slowly over to the slushee machine, and began to fill the large cup with the sugary red liquid."Michael!" Jenna waved and walked over to him."How's Jer... are you okay man?" Jenna brown eyes scanned his sad features.

"Me... yeah I'm fine Jen."Michael said his voice uneven and shaky. "No you're not." Jenna said firmly, and with that Michael fell to his knees. He dropped the cherry slushee and began to shake with tears. Jenna got on her knees and held him close. "What happened baby?" Jenna whispered softly. Michael was only spewing incoherent mumbling. Jenna picked Michael up and led him to her car.

Michael didn't care his car was still in the parking lot. Michael didn't care he had wasted ten dollars. He could only cry.

Jenna was scared. Michael was always so calm and collected. To see him so broken, so hurt, made her know something was very wrong. She pulled into her driveway and put the vehicle into park."Come on bud. Let's you get inside." She opened the car door and hopped out she then practically had to pry a tearful Michael from his seat. She fumbled with her keys and opened the door to her house. She lead Michael up by his hand to her room."Go lye down Mic." Michael was still sobbing uncontrollably but he did as he was told and lyed down on the Pink bed.

Jenna opened her phone, it was six thirty. She went to her contacts she clicked on Chirstene's number. "Jenna why are you cal..." she was cutoff by Jenna. "It's Michael... I don't know what happened but he has been crying for like the past thirty minutes straight. I need your help to comfort him." "I'll be right there." Christene answered quickly while zipping up her jacket. 

Jenna again looked through her contacts to find Brooke. "Hey Jenna when you gonna pick me and chlo up for the movie.?"Brooke asked sweetly "Movie's cancelled." Jenna said frankly "Why... wait is that someone crying?!" Brooke asked voice filled with concern. "It's Michael Mell... when I was going to get the candy for the movie I saw him and he just broke down in tears. I don't know why yet but I need you your help."Jenna said sadly "Me and Chloe are coming." Brooke said frantically.

"We're going to Jenna's place." Brooke said standing up."Why? the movie's not for another hour." Chloe said confused. "Because we're not going to the movies." Brooke said tugging on Chloe's arm. "What?! We've been planning this for like a week and a half!" Chloe whined. "Apparently Michael is having some kind of mental breakdown." Brooke said concern vivid in her soft features. "Let's go. I'm driving." Chloe said seriously.

Christene got into her second-hand car. She wasted no as she backed out of her driveway and speed down the road. She usually spent a few seconds to turn on the radio this time though she drove silently along the highway. She had only seen Michael cry once, it was when Jeremy had apparently used optic nerve blocking to block him out she had then caught him crying in the janitor's closet.

Jenna was even more concerned now. Michael had literally been crying for the past hour. He had only stopped once when she had offered him a glass of water. He had drunken the glass of water, tried to steady his breathing then began to a sniffle which then turned into sobbing. Jenna felt so helpless just pacing the hall she wanted to help him so badly but she didn't know how.

Just then she heard a knock on the door. She rushed downed the stairs to find Christen, with a look of worry craved into her face. "Hey... you can probably hear him upstairs, come on." Jenna said waving her hand upwards. She led the other girl up the stairs towards her bedroom. On the floor was a pile of used tissues. In the bed was a convlusing Michael.

Michael didn't even acknowledge the entrance of the girls."Hey Michael." Christene whispered, getting on her knees at the side of the bed. Christene then began to sing."Don't worry about a thing, Cause every little thing is gonna be alright. Singin' Don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be alright." Michael soon joined her. "Rising up this mornin', smiled with the risin' sun." Michael's Voice was raw and scratchy especially compared to Christene's voice of silk. "Thank you.." Michael crooked, Christene and Jenna smiled and Christene stroked Michael's hair. Just then they all heard a knock on the door.

Jenna ran down the stairs and opened the door. "Sorry we took so long, it's just that Brooke here insisted that we stop at a bakery and get this cake." Brooke help up a cake that read 'Feel better Michael'. "Why don't you guys come on upstairs." Jenna lead the couple upstairs to her bedroom.

There Michael was curled up in a ball with tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes but his lips were curled upward in a small smile. "Looks like someone's felling better." Jenna said tenderly. "We brought cake!" Brooke said presenting him with the Chocolate cake. "Wow, that's really nice Brooke." Michael said sitting up. "And I heard you're really into old horror movies so I got the worst I could find." Chloe added.

"But you can only enjoy these things if you tell us what happened." Brooke added. Michael sighed, he would have to tell them eventually." Jeremy... He can't remember anyone. But he remembers school work and basic skills. I got stuff to jog his memory and I asked him If he wanted to remember and he basically said he wouldn't because he was a loser before." Michael said softly. "Well now that's answered let us eat cake!" Christene said joyfully. "I'll get plates!" Brooke said rushing downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the amnesia AU invented by alexienty


	2. Yet to come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning Jeremy has a very negative self image and and is suicideal and Michael has abusive parents if any of that stuff is triggering for you please don't read.

It was 2am and almost everyone was asleep. They had spent the night watching B horror movies and eating cake and pizza. Chloe lyed awake thinking about why Michael had been so upset. She insantly knew it had something to do with the squip, but the question was what?

Jeremy sat in bed, he couldn't sleep. He thought about that boy who had come to see him. He had felt so bad acting disinterested, he truly did care about the past. A voice in his head had told that it was too late that boy already hated him for forgetting their long friendship, to push him away. He then began to cry, as a voice in his head taunting him for being weak. It was all his fault for forgetting, and he didn't deserve anyone.

Michael woke up surrounded by the very five people who he now considered his closest friends. He put on his glasses as his eyes adjusted to the bright room. He looked around to see Chloe's arm tightly around Brooke's waist. Christene's usually well kept hair was in a frizz around her. 

He stood up to find his bright red jacket laid across the room. He quitely crept around the sleeping girls and bent down to pick up his jacket which was spread over an empty pizza box. He slowly slid the jacket on went outside to get in his car when he suddenly realized he had left his car in the parking lot of 7/11. 

"Shit" he quitely cursed. He was going to have to get one of the girls to drive him to 7/11. When it suddenly hit him how hungry he was. So he silently crept into the kitchen to get himself breakfast. The kitchen looked as if it was straight out of the seventies. He walked over towards the green fridge and pulled on the handle. There was not much at all in the fridge only a jar of pickles, some assorted condiments, a few tortillas and a can of whipped cream."looking for something." Jenna said eyebrow raised."I didn't want to uh.. wake you up.. just looking for breakfast. Michael stuttered."well your not gonna find much in there." Jenna sighed.

Jenna pulled out s box of lucky charms from one of the cabinets."Here, eat up. then I'll drive you to 7/11. Michael grabbed a handful of the dry cereal."Thanks for helping me out last night, I really needed it." Michael said gratefully as he stuffed the Cereal in his mouth. "Hey dude your my friend, and you needed help so I helped, and if anything like that ever happens again just let me know." Jenna said smiling. The silence between them held so many emotions and so much meaning. After Michael had eaten a few more handfuls of cereal he spoke up."well, we should probably get going." He said wiping his hand off on his pants. The duo walked out of the door and climbed into Jenna's car.

Michael had to think of an excuse, and quick. His dad was probably gonna hit him for this one. It didn't matter though he was used to it by now. His parents had always been abusive but it had never been physical until he was thirteen. He has stayed out past his curfew, when he had gotten home he had tried to apologize for breaking his father's rules, but his father ignored his pleas and took one hard hook at his face. since then it had only gotten worse. He was used to the fact that whenever he did something that went against his father's rules he would get hit. He has tried to make sure no one found out but he was sure some kids noticed his bruises, If they asked though he would blame it on anything else.

Jenna wanted to tell Michael that she knew it wasn't safe for him to go home, about what she had seen that day. She wanted to turn this car straight around and get him to somewhere safe. She to just hug Michael and tell him that he was welcome at her house anytime, But for some reason she couldn't. As she neared the 7/11 her urge became stronger. As she pulled into the parking lot of the store she felt as though she was about to burst with guilt. "Thanks again Jenna." Michael said opening the car door. He went to climb out of the vehicle when Jenna stopped him. "Michael wait..." She took a deep breath. "I can't in good conscience let you go home." Jenna said face scrunched. "Why is that?" Michael said curiously. "Because your dad's probably gonna hit you when you get home......right?" Jenna whispered sadly.

Michael's heart stopped, he had always been so careful not to tip anyone off. "How do you know that?!" Michael's eyes were wide with shock. Jenna looked at him with tears in her eyes. "One day in freshman year I was hanging out in the parking lot, and your dad was screaming at you for breaking one of his rules. You cried that you didn't know what he was talking about, he dragged you into the car while you cried. You came too school the next day with a broken arm." Jenna looked at the floor of her car.

Michael had remembered that day, the image of his father loomed over him. He had taken one strike at his left arm and Michael had heard the bone snap. Michael hadn't realized he had started to cry until he saw his tears fall to the ground."Are you okay Michael?" Jenna asked her eyes filled with tears.

Michael looked at Jenna meaningfully. "I need help..." Michael chocked out. Jenna held his hands for what felt like hours as they both cried heavy tears. Jenna was the first to break the silence. "We need to get you down to the police station...." Jenna was cut off by Michael. "We can't get police involved... My dad's the chief of police. They idolize him there, they'd never believe he's an egotistical manic who beats on his wife and kid." Michael whispered sadly. "We need to tell the other girls then. You can stay with one of them." Jenna said trying to sound sure. Michael nodded, it was better than going to the police.

"You should go back to your car and follow me home, hopefully the others stayed there." Jenna said holding Michael shoulders. Michael again nodded, he pushed the slightly ajar door open. He felt his feet hit the ground and his legs wobbled. None of this felt real to him, as though this was the best dream he had in years, one where he would get to escape his horrible life, one where he was free.

Jenna watched Michael stumble to his car. His black hair was deshvalied and his glasses were crooked. She watched as he dug around in his pockets for his keys, till he finally picked out his the keys with a rainbow key chain. He entered the car and Jenna waited five minutes before she started to drive as Michael followed closely behind. She cried the whole ride to her house. All she could think about how unfair it was. Michael, she tought. Out of all the people to be going through this is was, Michael. All she could think about as she drove was the look in Michael's eyes when he was getting pulled into that car. The helplessness that had begged her too speak up for years.

Jenna and Michael pulled into Jenna's driveway too see both other cars still there. Jenna breathed a shaky sigh of relief. She climbed out of her car and then saw Michael do the same. She walked up to her front door and unlocked, it to Christene, Brooke and Chloe watching gravity falls."you're back." Brooke said dazed.

Michael walked in behind Jenna. "Yep, we're back. But we need to talk seriously for second guys." Jenna said trying hard to steady her voice. "Wait! Have you guys been crying?!" Christene said getting to her feet. "Yes. That's what we need to talk about." Michael said walking to Jenna's side. "I need a place to stay." Michael said holding back tears. All the girls were now standing. "Why?" Brooke, Chloe and Christene asked in unison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy's is just a sad lonely asshat in this chapter. come yell at me on Tumblr @puglebug


	3. Why?

"Because if I go home..." Michael took a deep breath trying to stand steady. "I'll get beaten up." Michael said as he held Jenna's hand and uncontrollably tears flowed down his cheeks. "What?! I'll hurt someone if you nee..." Michael cut Chloe off. "I don't need you to beat the fuck out of my dad!" Michael yelled. No one in the room seemed to breathe for about ten straight minutes.

His dad, Christene 's brain short circuited. All she could think about was how Michael's dad was legend in their small town, he was a hero and now to think about him as someone who beats up his kid. It was insane, until it all made sense, all the times Michael came to school with bruises and cuts, the time he mysteriously broke his arm.

Brooke wordlessly walked up to Michael and hugged him tightly. He crumpled around her. Jenna soon joined the crowd of sobbing on the floor. Chloe and Christene walked of to the group and joined all of them sobbing relentlessly. No one moved to break the tight hug. They all just sat on the floor on sobbed

Jeremy had just awoken. He checked the time. It was noon, he had spent the night sobbing and well, trying to find some way to end himself. Thankfully he would be out of the hospital soon then he could find a way to end his miserable existence. No one cared about him anyway.

"you can stay with me." Chloe sad finally being the first to speak. Everyone soon broke away from the hug. "I have like three, four-ish guest bedrooms. I highly doubt my mom would even notice you're there." Chloe continued wiping her eyes. "I'd like that." Michael said trying to smile. Suddenly all of them started to hysterically laugh the tears were still there, but they laughed until they couldn't laugh anymore.

Later when everyone had gotten settled, they started to talk seriously again. "But really you could stay with me if you wanted." Chloe said with compassion. Everyone else nobbed in agreement. It made sense, Chloe could truly afford to take him in, to help him. "You sure?" Michael said shyly. 

The voice of Michael's father screamed in his mind 'you don't deserve this kindness! You're worthless! Just go die!' "Of course I'm sure Michael!" Chloe smiled. "Thanks guys!" Michael said gratefully. "Group hug! Part two!" Christene called. The group ran in for another hug. "Well we should all get get going." Jenna said after a while. "Yeah." everyone agreed.

Everyone soon left the hug and walked outside. Jenna waved goodbye as everyone else walked to their cars. Chloe and Brooke walked alongside Michael to his car. "We should figure out what you have in your car in terms of necessitys." Chloe said as they arrived at Michael's car.

Michael popped the trunk. "I have a go bag." Michael said sadly. "It was in case I ever thought he might.... kill me" he whispered sadly. Chloe looked at him with deep sorrow in eyes. "Michael... was it really that bad."

Michael didn't answer. He just continued to point out what he had in car with a telling look in his eyes. "I have 30 bucks and the car itself, and the go bag only has about... twoish day of clothes" Michael sighed, he wasn't very prepared. "Okay... there soultion to this." Chloe said matter-of-factly. Michael's heart sank. "We must go shopping." Chloe said with a smile. "Shopping?" Michael wondered aloud.


End file.
